The feeling of self-consciousness


So I’m back to blog about how I’m feeling or have been feeling the past few days. And if the title hasn’t already given you a clue, then let me just tell you straight up, that I’ve been feeling really self-conscious. 

It’s not to do with insecurities or what-so-ever. That could make up a post on it’s own. It’s more of me wondering if my personality is rubbing people the wrong way. I’ll be as wild as I allow myself to be when it’s time to have fun and when it’s work time, I can be really serious to the extent that even innocent jokes can piss me off. If you aren’t going to do the work, I’ll have no problem calling you out on it after giving you a few chances. And maybe it doesn’t help the fact that I’m pretty opinionated too. But lately, I just feel that people don’t really ‘get me’. I feel as though, whenever I make a joke or comment, there are people rolling their eyes at me somewhere in the room.

Honestly, I don’t even know if the people I call my friends can stand me. And that feeling sucks. I’ve been there and I never want to be in that situation again. Where you keep thinking, “Friend or Foe?”. It’s been a few months and I’d expect people to have gotten used to me and my antics. My lame jokes and random comments. But, I don’t know. I really don’t. Well, not just yet. 

To add to that, I can be really mean when I want to be. So when I get into banter with some classmates, I may take things to a whole other level and then they just keep quiet and make me feel like I’m this really mean person. Then, I get called a, ‘Bully’. I know it’s a playful comment and I’m supposed to take things that people say in the nicest way possible but honestly, I don’t think half the people that use the word know what it feels like to be bullied. I’ve had some experiences from secondary school and I’m sure the culprit would say, “I was just joking,” but joking or not, some of the comments really hurt. Anyways this isn’t the post to get into details about those things. 

I’m just hoping that a repeat of secondary school isn’t in the schedule. Cause that’s so last year. Literally. 



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