At least, that’s how I’ve been feeling today.
We all play different parts and characters in each other’s lives. You’ve got the main characters, recurring characters and the characters that don’t appear after some time. Although we should be the main character in our own lives, it really sucks when you don’t feel that way. Instead you feel like you’re always going to be seen as the recurring character and it’s hard to see yourself as anything more than that, when everyone else sees you as, ‘the other person’. And do people even want to see you as anything other than ‘the other person’? This has just been running through my mind since earlier today.
Basically what I’m trying to say is, I’m beginning to wonder if I’ll ever be anything more than just a wallflower or someone in the background. I don’t really know what I bring and what makes me different, in a good way. It’s just not that easy to put yourself out there and be on the spot when you don’t feel ready and confident. But will I ever be ‘ready’? Putting yourself out there as in just being care-free and thick skinned to all the things people have to say to you.
It’s really not about being popular. Not in school at least. Cause it’s usually the people with serious personality issues that are popular and I don’t want to be part of that category. Maybe it’s just how I’ve felt like someone in the background for the past decade, that I don’t want history to repeat itself. And I don’t like it, when I see signs of repetition.
Honestly, I don’t know what’s got me thinking of all this. But whatever it is, it probably isn’t as bad as it seems. Just so many thoughts. Some of which are a complete waste of time and energy. I can’t help it though. I’m just a worry-er.
Till next time,
P.S: I don’t even know if this post makes sense. Just a lot of jumbled up thoughts when writing this post.