I feel so confused right now and it’s been a bad morning so far.
I feel conflicted thinking of different things at the same time and wondering what I can do when there is really nothing I can do. So in other words, it’s kind of a helpless feeling that is leaving me frustrated. (I will probably blog about this again, once I’ve figured out how I’m feeling and thought of a way to put it in indirect sentences)
In completely unrelated news, I also have to attend my cousin’s engagement later and let’s be honest; I’m not looking forward to it. Not that I’m not happy for him but maybe I would have felt more needed if he actually bothered to maintain bonds with me and my other cousins. But when you say that you’ve got work to do and can’t make the little gatherings that we plan every school holiday for the past few years, I really feel like I’m just attending some long distance relative’s event. And hey, this engagement only means more commitment to the relationship and thus lesser time for cousins. #Whatever. I always thought I’d have my cousins to lean on(cause blood is thicker than water) when I’m older but as of right now, I’m not too sure about that.
I’m just going to attend the event and sit there. Hopefully, no one I don’t know tries to talk to me or I’m not asked to do anything. Actually even people I know. Cause some comments can just set me off. But I don’t mind if my other cousins come and talk to me. However, they’ll probably be with their parents and so I’ll just have my phone to keep me company while Dad goes M.I.A and Mum is helping out with some last minute stuff.
You might wonder why I can’t just go and talk to them but it’s about being able to be myself. When their parents are around I feel a little guarded. But considering the fact that these cousins are younger than me, I can’t completely be myself like how I am at school around those I’m close to.
With that being said, I hope this engagement goes smoothly. Just let me sit somewhere and be irrelevant cause that’s all I’m in the mood for. #Seriously