#LetterByLetter: E

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#LetterByLetter is something that me and my classmates who blog are doing during the holidays. We will go down the alphabet, one for each post and write what each letter means to us. It can be something symbolic or just a word that starts with that letter. The objective is to be active on our blogs and also to see who can finish all the letters first. This is the fifth post in the series.

It took me a while to figure out what ‘E’ meant to me. After much thinking, I came up with three words. I couldn’t choose one over the other two so I decided to write a bit on all of them.

The first word is, EXCLUDED. I think almost everyone knows the feeling of being excluded. Sometimes it’s intentional, other times it just happens naturally. People with similar interests or personalities are bound to click together. However, regardless of whether it’s intentional or not, it still hurts the same. Trust me, I know how it feels to be excluded and so I try not to do the same to others. That’s why I really hate the term, ‘clique’ and I prefer the use of ‘circle’ when someone is addressing me and my close friends. It pisses me off when someone tells me I have a clique because I try to be friends with everyone until I realise they don’t make an effort with me and then I’ll just let it be. Don’t get me wrong though, I’m not saying I feel excluded right now because my classmates aren’t all clique’d up, just yet. But even if I was feeling left out and excluded, a wise friend once told me, “So what if you don’t fit in? Stand out!” That really helped give me a different perspective on the whole issue. You just do you and I’ll do me.

The second word is, EXPECTATIONS. The expectations others have of you, the expectations you have of others and just what you expect of life in general. About 90% of the time, your expectation would lead to your disappointment. So, the best thing to do is just not to expect much of anyone or anything. When I came up with this equation or finally understood it, it was because of my older cousins that would bail on our gatherings during the holidays at the last minute, leaving me disappointed. What can I say, I really enjoyed and looked forward to spending time with my cousins during the holidays and I still do. However, at least now I know not to expect as much. I also think me expecting lesser comes from maturity because now I also understand that they have other commitments to work and loved ones.

And… the third word is, EMOTIONS. This might come as a surprise to some but behind the smile and mean jokes, I’m actually a really emotional person. I wear my heart on my sleeve and I express my care for the ones that matter, to the best of my ability. Similarly, if I do have an issue with someone, they would know from the way I talk to them when they approach me. In other words, I try to express how I’m feeling the best way I know how. Trust me, sometimes being emotional is a pain in the ass because it’s like being vulnerable with the sole intentions of getting hurt by someone. And other times, I like how I care so much about the things that I do care about because that makes me human.

I think all three E’s come in hand in hand somehow because I won’t feel the bad feelings that I feel if I didn’t care enough in the first place.

On another note, I think I have a rough idea of what to write for the next two letters so I’m glad I have that figured out. Until next time,

PEACE OUT.

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