Always Changing


I recently turned 18 but I don’t exactly feel any different. However, I can’t say the same for the things around me. Things have been changing lately. And I would like to think that they are changing for the better. 

Before I start, I just want to thank the friends that put in time, energy and money into celebrating my birthday. All I wanted was a simple dinner and I got that along with a couple of surprises here and there. So, it’s definitely been great.

Next, let me talk about the things around me changing. This might be the first time in a long time that a ‘change’ is turning out to be a good thing. And this is probably because it’s going back to the way it used to be. Not all the way there yet but baby steps, right? I’m not going to get my hopes up though because that has always proven to turn out bad. I know that just like how things are changing for the better that they could just as quickly do the opposite. With that being said, there are also some ‘not-so-good’ changes. It feels like I’m growing distant from someone I once felt a lot closer to. But hey, I swear I’m not complaining or trying to be sappy. It’s all still good. I have just noticed some changes which helped me prove my point… To myself. 

In a completely different topic, there has been a little something brewing with me. And the big question is, “Does it all mean anything at all?” Being me, I have been asking around for opinions only to end up strengthening my inner conflict. I’m telling myself not to make much of it because a couple of months from now, I’m probably going to look back and feel like a complete fool. That’s also why I don’t want to write too much about that as the people around me already know what I am talking about and that’s enough for me. I’m just mentioning it in this post anyway because it always helps to get what I’m feeling out there in words (even if it is cryptic). However, just to sum things up, let me just say that I’ve made an effort and in fact maybe too much of an effort. The ball (if there is even one to begin with), is no longer in my court. What am I referring to? You can continue guessing.

Actually, thinking about it, it isn’t exactly a completely different topic from what was in the previous paragraph. Why? Because this is one of the first few times this inner conflict feels real and that’s definitely a change from the usual superficial ones. 

So much has changed over the past year. Who knows what is still to come? 




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