In My Head

852110236_13448670704630895532.jpgThe past three months have gone by pretty quickly and I love how it is already April. I did spend quite a lot of the time being in my head trying to figure things out. As much as I try to keep my sensitive and insecure moments to a minimum, sometimes I just cannot help myself.

But before I get to writing about those deeper moments – which are mostly in camp – I will start with the highlights from the weekends – when I am out of camp.

In February, I attended Jamie’s play, An Absolute Turkey and in March, Shaf’s play, The Illusionist. Now, I have told the both of them this – if our lives were a reality show, the ‘competition’ between the both of them over whose play is better would have been a driving force for drama the entire season. HAHA.

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Post-Show Happiness Pt. 1

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Post-Show Happiness Pt. 2

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Post-Show Happiness Pt. 3

But no, in all seriousness, it was fun supporting the both of them. I feel like they both stepped out of their comfort zones – in different ways – and it made me proud, sitting there in the audience, watching them and being there with a flower or candy bouquet after the show. I hope to see them in action again soon.

The All In! Young Writers’ Festival was held in March too. I only attended one screening of a few short films including, I Love You More, a short film that I was involved in producing as part of a group project for a filmmaking module over a year ago.

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Forgot to mention that they were both late.

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But it’s okay, I forgive ya’ll.

It was nice that this project brought me, Dalene and Minyi back together a year later. (The other group members, Rachel, Sherlyn and Chels couldn’t make it.) I held off from re-watching the short film leading up to the screening because I thought that seeing it again after a long time during the screening would make it more ‘special.’ After the screening, we had lunch where we gave each other life updates and rehashed certain things that happened back during our three years in Poly. We also did some window shopping so it was some simple fun.

Later in March, I also attended a secondary school reunion with Azfar, Rosydi and Gina. It was hosted at one of our schoolmate’s house. Although I really appreciated the invite, I was hesitant and reluctant to attend from the get go. Secondary school just does not bring back the best of memories for me – I did not really fit in and back then it was quite a struggle. So it was a last minute decision to attend.

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I think it has been close to two years since the four of us were last together?

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I hope not another two years go by before we’re together again. *Glares at Gina*

Rosydi and Azfar could totally see how nervous I was on the bus to the reunion. And honestly, I would not have attended the reunion if they were not attending with me. I think it was just the uncertainty as to who was going to be there and how they were going to act that made me nervous. I knew Gina would be there too and since she has not been the easiest person to meet up with, seeing her there – though she showed up two hours late – was an added bonus.

The three of them were able to interact with these people that we had not seen in forever pretty easily but for me, it was awkward. Of course there was the typical army talk with the guys but none of the girls I used to be close to were there. (I believe that the invitations did not reach everyone… Oops.)

I also feel like I have evolved from who I used to be back in secondary school and so these people who did not really know me on a deeper level back then – to begin with – did not have much to say to me and likewise I did not have much to say to most of them either. After all, I was quite the wallflower for a bulk of those four years.

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At least I won’t have to worry about FOMO now.

I cannot really say that I regret attending but at the same time, I cannot say I am glad I attended either.

And last night, I attended Fifth Harmony’s 7/27 Tour concert after buying the tickets way back in January. I was lucky that Khairul – a friend that I made during the two month Signals course after BMT – was willing to go with me.

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Gotta thank the concert buddy for groovin’ along.

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April may have only just started but this concert is most definitely a highlight. I found myself letting loose as I sang and danced my heart out. It was totally worth the wait and money and the girls were gorgeous! I felt really happy when Normani noticed and reciprocated my wave. If life was a reality show, attending this concert would have made for a perfect season finale.

In between all these key events, I think I have been doing an okay job at balancing my weekends with meet-ups and ‘me’ time. I think there was only one weekend where I contemplated between going out and staying home but I decided to go out anyway.

Life in camp has been generally alright. I tend to forget how lucky I am to have ended up in this camp and unit, in terms of workload and location. But finding my place and people, is still an issue.

A new batch of about 20 Signallers came in a month ago – a larger amount than expected. I took a genuine interest in getting to know most of them because we would have to decide who to keep with us after a two week ‘orientation’ programme – the rest would be posted out to different ‘departments’ within our unit. And since I would be working with whoever stays until next May when I leave, it was an important decision too.

We kept about a third of them. It was exciting having new people around. They were people who were easy to talk to and did work. But when you look at the big picture, the newbies did not exactly shake up the office dynamics like I had hoped.

For a start, I still feel like I lack a true confidante and ally in camp. You know, that one person that I can complain and vent to without worrying about what I said being repeated. And also the kind of person that I can make eye contact with and smile when something happens in the office because we both know that we are thinking the same thing.

I miss having that kind of connection with someone.

So I end up bottling things up in camp. Occasionally, I do let things slip because I can only hold so much in. But then I question if I should have said anything at all because I get asked if I have ‘anger issues’ or am told that I am ‘oversensitive.’

Do not get me wrong. I am still able to be myself in camp. I disturb and annoy almost everyone around me. And this is an indication that I have reached a certain level of comfort around these people. But there are different layers to every relationship and with these people, it is most definitely on the surface.

It doesn’t help that they do not really get me. I am a lot of things but these people know me best to be ‘annoying.’ I can own that but it does get exhausting when that seems to be the only word people associate you with – even if lightheartedly.

For now, there are only about two to three individuals in camp who I ‘trust.’ It being really easy to rub me the wrong way could be one reason for this low number. But I guess, there just is not that much in common to forge strong bonds over. And with everyone on their phones most of the time, there is barely any attempt at conversation to find common topics either.

Sure, they bond over playing the same mobile games. And so it would be a lot easier if I just downloaded this game and played along. But I told myself back in secondary school that I was not going to change just to fit in and I still want to keep that promise to myself. Call me stubborn or difficult but I am not going to do something that I would not normally do just to get by.

There are also other things that have happened or been said that got the wheels in my head turning. But at the end of the day, I know I can’t let what people think, say or do affect my spirit. It is just hard to remember at times especially when there is no one in your environment to remind you of that.

So I am going to try to care less and not add up the nothings into something. I know it is not going to be easy and I will probably be in my head again by the end of the week – after all, it does keep me occupied. But I will be working on it. Whatever happens, happens.

Fifth Harmony sang in their song, ‘Brave Honest Beautiful’:

“Don’t go and waste your precious time with all that nonsense on your mind.”

And this reminder is why I feel like the Fifth Harmony concert is a perfect finale.

Until next time,

PEACE OUT.

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“I think life is just a big con.”

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“One day, Sabine just said to Hector, ‘I think life is just a big con.’

Startled, Hector asked, ‘What do you mean?’ (That was what he always said when he hadn’t been listening properly the first time.)

‘Well, you’re born, and straight away you have to rush about, go to school, and then work, have children, and then your parents die and then before you know it you get old and die too.'”

–    Hector Finds Time by François Lelord

It is important to me, for me to have time to do the things I love and enjoy even when I am ‘not supposed to’ have the time. These things include spending time with friends and family, getting my daily dose of reality TV and sitcoms, reading and sometimes even lying around doing nothing.

I understand that time is not one of the luxuries of life but it saddens me that we all have a whole bunch of things to do that we keep jumping from one thing to the next as the list keeps piling on and on. I guess, I have always been aware of how fast time is passing by but this book that I started reading recently, the past few months and the thought of the uncertain future have just given me a whole lot more to think about. That is why I decided that it is finally time to write a blog post to sort of help clear my mind.

It has been nine weeks since my internship at a production company started and after a slow start, the past few weeks have been passing by pretty quickly. I think week nine is the most comfortable I have felt at work – thanks to some friendly colleagues. But what I am trying to point out is that it took me nine weeks to adapt to this new environment and before I know it, there is going to be another change in environment and I am totally unprepared for the next change.

I have had my fair share of ups and downs the past nine weeks. There were times when I was extra anxious when tasked with something new or when I realised I had messed up. I was trying so hard not to make mistakes that I failed to realise that this is the time for me to make mistakes and learn from them. I would call that ‘revelation’ a turning point as I have been feeling less anxious ever since. (Keyword: less)

As uncomfortable as I feel at times, I give myself credit for going out of my comfort zone. I might complain and disagree with how certain things are done but I am learning from the experience. I mean, I do need to find something to write about in my logbook and surprisingly this requirement has been helping me filter out lessons that I have learnt each week.

“I am in the TV industry but I have no time to watch TV.”

The above quote was something a colleague said in a casual conversation. At first, I did not make much of it but soon enough, it got the wheels in my head turning. It made me wonder if this is really what I want to do. I know… I know… this is such a cliche thought at this point which is exactly why I am not too worried about ‘the future’. My plan is just to see how the rest of my internship goes, talk to people, get their opinion and do some research myself to help me figure things out. (If you’re reading this and you can relate, then let me just tell you that I am sure we will find our place and solve the puzzle eventually. No rush.)

Don’t get me wrong, I knew what I was signing up for when I picked ‘production’ for my internship – ‘long hours, no sleep and constant work’. I am aware that the way I work may not be ideal for me to be interning at a production company but I just believed and I still believe that there are more ways than one to get things done. However, being at the bottom of the hierarchy, I totally understand that I can’t have things my way. So, at the end of the day, if this is really what I want to do, I promise you that I will put in the work and slowly but surely climb up that damn ladder.

“My fear of heights won’t stop me from climbing the ladder of success.”

Until next time,

PEACE OUT.

We’ll see…

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The first week of the third year of school has started. And I do have quite a bit to write about. But before I can get to that, I need to recap the last three weeks of the school holidays. It just feels better to go in chronological order. However, I might have forgotten certain mention-worthy bits because it has been a while. So, what you read might just be a condensed recap.

Most of the fourth week was burnt at the CASS Freshmen Orientation Camp. I was involved in the camp as part of the Day Programmes team. I was not really looking forward to it because I’m not a fan of camps in general. However, that is also the reason why I feel a sense of accomplishment whenever I go through these camps. It’s a step towards ‘going out of my comfort zone’.

The camp was fun and it turned out better than expected. It was nice meeting the freshmen and getting to know my schoolmates better too. Of course, it wasn’t all sunshine and rainbows. It was tiring and some things didn’t work out like we had all hoped it would. For instance, my team had to improvise all our games because it rained on all three days. There were other interesting things that happened too. (Things that I rather not mention here but would love to share with you in person.) But I guess what is important is that, by the end of the camp, there was a strong and special bond that was formed amongst the members of the organising committee. And that’s just nice.

The rest of the week, I didn’t do much. I needed to catch up on my sleep and TV shows.

Here's my Day Progs team!  (From left to right: Q, Joel, Me, Jasmin & Elisa)

Here’s my Day Progs team! We all contributed something different to the team. Wouldn’t have had it any other way.

A selfie with our night walk makeup on.

A selfie with our night walk scarers makeup on.

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Part of the Organising Committee.

The highlights of the fifth week have to be going to Universal Studios Singapore with Rosydi & Azfar and cafe-hopping with Chelsea, Jamie & Shafna. Let me tell you about USS first.

A month or two ago, Azfar told Rosydi and I that if he does really well for his A’Level exams, he would treat us to something. Back then, we had quite a number of ideas but the idea that we all agreed on was USS. My point is that, Azfar scored well and kept his word and I got to go to USS for free!

Although it was my second time there, I was even more anxious than the first time. I have got a fear of heights and almost every single ride had some sort up and (out-of-nowhere) down motion. After the The Mummy ride, I thought I was done for the day. But we took a break and I am proud to say that I did not back out of any ride. Of course it was just perfect, that riding the Battlestar Galactica roller coasters were not an option because it was out of order. So, I didn’t have to worry about that.

A summary of our time at USS would be us trying out the many rides and walking around taking pictures. Later that day, we also watched Fast & Furious 7. The ending scene was still very emotional despite the spoilers on social media. I feel sad whenever I listen to ‘See You Again’ but it’s catchy and addictive.

It's Vin Diesel. When we took this picture, we had no intentions of watching #Fast7.

It’s Vin Diesel! When we took this picture, we had no intentions of watching #Fast7.

Similar to the caption above. Funny how we ended up watching it for real later that day.

Similar to the caption above. Funny how we ended up watching it for real later that day.

How can you not love this picture?

How can you not love this picture? 

Thanks Azfar for the treat and thanks guys for the fun time!

Thanks Azfar for the treat and thanks guys for the fun time!

Next, cafe-hopping! We planned this just the week before when we were cooking at Jamie’s. We visited just three cafes – ChoupinetteWheeler’s Yard and FATCAT Ice Cream Bar. I’m not going to do a food review because I only have three levels when it comes to judging food – Okay, Good and Great. Most things fall in the ‘Good’ category and I’m happy with that!

We also took many pictures of ourselves and the food we ate. To summarise, it was good food and great company.

The Waffles at FATCAT were great.

The Waffles at FATCAT were great.

FATCAT's Original Waffle topped with a scoop of Cookies & Cream Ice Cream.

FATCAT’s Original Waffle topped with a scoop of Cookies & Cream Ice Cream.

This Chocolate Fudge cake from Wheeler's Yard was okay.

This Chocolate Fudge cake from Wheeler’s Yard was okay.

Brunch at Choupinette was great.

Brunch at Choupinette was great.

I really love this picture. #Perfection.

I really love this picture. #Perfection.

Moving on to week six, it was the Freshmen Orientation Programme also known as the last event the current CASS Club was involved in for now. Unlike the Orientation Camp, the Orientation Programme was compulsory. The CASS Club didn’t have that much to do. We were only involved in the first two days.

I couldn’t make it on the first day because I had to attend a compulsory ‘Grooming and Dining Etiquette Workshop’ in school. It was one of the workshops from week one that got pushed back due to lack of sign ups. The workshop was okay. I did learn something but I don’t know if I will remember everything when it matters the most. On the bright side, me completing this workshop means that all the compulsory workshops are out of the way!

On the second day of the orientation, we helped out with the campus tour. I was stationed at the writers’ room. However, the seniors were using it to rehearse for an important pitch. So, I tried to keep the freshmen outside after the first few rounds. After the campus tour, the CASS Club Main Committee took a couple of pictures together and that was that.

We had a checkered/flannel dress code.

We had a checkered/flannel dress code.

Thanks for the fun and not-so-fun times! I would do it all over again.

Thanks for the fun and not-so-fun times guys! I would do it all over again.

I was hoping to spend the rest of the week at home but on Wednesday and Friday, I went to school for Rojakrew meetings. The Rojakrew comprises of a few seniors, Chelsea, Jamie & Shafna. We have been working on a documentary the entire holiday and we officially released (or uploaded it on Facebook) on that Friday. In between the Rojakrew meetings, on Thursday, I spent the day in JB with Rosydi & Azfar. It was nice being away from social media.

After we uploaded the video, we just hung out at Hilltop Haven.

After we uploaded the video, we just hung out at Hilltop Haven. Here is half of Rojakrew! 

We played Monopoly Deal ( which has got to be one of my favourite card games ever!). I won just once.

We played Monopoly Deal ( which has got to be one of my favourite card games ever!). I won just once.

Later, we met Kirt for Dinner.

Later, we met Kirt for Dinner. She is now one of us!

I must say, it was a pretty nice way to end the holidays.

Now, four days of school have passed and I do have a couple of things on my mind. A couple of things I wish I could get off my chest. Things I have blogged about before. Things I have confronted before. It honestly doesn’t have to be this way, but I guess I have a habit of chasing after people who find it easy to forget me. And in the end, I’m on the losing end. I’m trying my best not to think about it though. So, we’ll see…

Until next time,

PEACE OUT.

P.S: Here’s the documentary that Rojakrew worked on, if you are interested!

Checkpoint

Another pretty picture.

I’ve been on holiday for three weeks and I’m left with three more. As something like a checkpoint, I decided to return to write another blog post, right before March ends and also right before I head off for a camp. Can you believe that a quarter of 2015 is nearly over?

The past couple of weeks have been really packed with activities and I don’t know how to feel about that. Part of me feels happy that I have things going on but the other part of me just wants to laze at home, binge-watching TV shows and movies.

The first week of the holidays was pretty dull. I had two compulsory workshops, three days straight. I didn’t really enjoy the workshops but I’m glad they’re over. I’m not saying that the workshop didn’t help me but I think that the main take-away from the workshop for me, was to practice and so the rest of it felt a little redundant. On the first day of the workshop, when the instructor was waiting for everyone to settle down, I felt so out of place because everybody around me was sitting with their friends and there I was sitting alone. But a few minutes later, Viena walked in and I felt ‘saved’. It was nice and comforting having a familiar face around.

Wouldn't have survived without Viena... Really!

Really wouldn’t have survived without Viena.

Later that week, I also met up with Shaf, Jamie and Chels for some dessert at Coldstone Creamery and some window shopping around town too. It was nice reflecting on the past school year and speculating what’s to come.

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It had been so long since I last had Coldstone! I also needed a reward for getting through the rough semester.

Do you like my hat?

Do you like my hat?

The place where this picture was taken has great lighting, doesn't it?

The place where this picture was taken has great lighting, doesn’t it?

Do you like our caps?

Do you like our caps?

The second week I had to go down to school one day to attend to some CASS Club matters. I had to collate all the paper work that I had done as the secretary and hand it up. It wasn’t too much work since I already had everything neatly organised on my laptop. The club president, Raf, helped me print everything and so I didn’t have that much work left to do.

Raf said that I look good here. Hmmm...

Raf said that I look good here. Hmmm…

I initially thought Raf was taking a selfie with her phone but I realised she was using my phone.

I initially thought Raf was taking the selfie with her phone but I soon realised she was using my phone.

Two days later, I attended the taping of the Asia’s Got Talent semi-finals. Before the taping, I met up with Chels for lunch. The plan was to use Google maps to locate a Pastamania near Suntec City (near Temasek Boulevard, to be exact) but in the end we couldn’t find it. So, we settled for The Manhattan Fish Market. During the taping, we unfortunately couldn’t take any pictures. The talents were entertaining and the judges were great too. It was a fun experience and definitely a step-up from the other game show tapings that I had attended.

The next day, I met up with Sydi and Azfar in town cause they had some shopping to do. I actually found a denim shirt that fit me perfectly at H&M (and it was on sale too!). But I realised that it didn’t go with any of the bottoms that I owned so… I had to pass on it.

I was twirling in this capey-hoodie-coat thingy.

I was twirling in this capey-hoodie-coat thingy.

Oh, here's a rare picture where they aren't making silly faces.

Oh, here’s a rare picture where they aren’t making silly faces.

And finally on Friday, it was the DTVM Awards which is the graduation show for my course, Creative Writing for TV & New Media (DTVM). The previous week when I met up with the girls, I was asking them for opinions on my outfit options. I really didn’t want to buy anything new for the event so it was just a lot of mixing and matching what i already owned. After dozens of combinations, I sent them two options and they all agreed on one outfit so I didn’t worry too much about what I was going to wear after that.

Here's the chosen outfit... I love this picture!

Here’s the chosen outfit… I love this picture!

The event went well as far as I’m concerned. The performance my class put up – which was actually just a simple game of charades – went smoothly. I will admit that because there were so many things going on around me and in my head, I was a little stressed out from thinking too much. But by the end of the night, it was just sad that the night marked the end of the seniors’ journey in DTVM. I’m so glad I actually got to know the seniors. They are friendly and talented and supportive. I was not exaggerating when I tweeted that I believe they have bigger and better things coming their way. And of course, the night also reminded me that I only have a year left with my classmates and so I do want to make the most of it.

DTVM Year 2 01 <3

DTVM Year 2 01 ❤

My busy week didn’t end there though. I met up with An, Shaf and Jamie on Saturday to bake scones! It was an interesting experience to say the least. We also watched Birdman which was not my cup of tea, at all. When Jamie described the premise in her movie review, I was really interested in watching the movie. But although the movie was shot by talented cameramen in a very creative way, I didn’t really appreciate the creativity. I just wanted to watch a ‘normal’ movie, if that makes sense?

They look good, don't they?

They look good, don’t they?

As you can see, while they were busy working, I was busy taking pictures.

As you can see, while they were busy working, I was busy taking pictures.

Jamie hard at work.

Jamie hard at work.

A very 'artistic' shot taken by Jamie.

A very ‘artistic’ shot taken by Jamie.

The third week has been another busy week. I had some freshmen orientation camp stuff to attend to on Monday and Wednesday. I expected a lot of chaos but it turned out pretty fun which is also how I think the actual camp would turn out. It’s all about who you surround yourself with, I believe.

I got to dress up in this 'god' outfit for the filming of a teaser. I love this picture!

I got to dress up in this outfit for the filming of a teaser for the camp. I love this picture!

On Thursday, I met up with the girls again but this time, to cook. We had done this ‘cooking’ thing before so I was pretty confident it will turn out good. I don’t even know the name of what we made but what I do know is that it tasted good. I preferred what we made the previous time though. Anyway, we caught a bit of the new cycle of Asia’s Next Top Model on TV while we were eating. We all agreed it was missing something. The show was pretty dull. Later, we watched a bit of Dance Moms before switching off the TV to just talk. Let me just say that, yes, I was surprised that we watched parts of two reality shows in one day. Who would have thought, right? Now, if only we could marathon entire episodes of some other reality shows I watched but I know, I know, I won’t get my hopes up. (I can already picture Chels rolling her eyes as she reads this) In the late evening, we left Jamie’s place and headed home.

Believe it or not, this was just the first part of our meals.

Believe it or not, this was just the first part of our meals.

On Friday, I headed to school to meet Azfar and Sydi. We like to make use of school facilities such as the board games and game consoles at the library and the bowling alley when no one else does. It was honestly so much fun playing Cluedo. We played a couple of rounds and with the exception of the first round (which I won because Azfar revealed something after he lost), we all made the wrong accusation and died in the other rounds. It was also pretty cool dancing terribly to songs on Dance Central. The best part is that I didn’t have to worry about them recording my terrible dancing too. After that we headed to the bowling alley and I did not suck that badly this time. Sydi still won though. We wrapped up the night with dinner at Burger Up, dessert at McDonald’s and a couple of games at Timezone. It was a great day overall. I still feel like playing Cluedo now.

We played Fifa for a while. I tried really hard to get a red card when it was my turn and I did.

We played Fifa for a while. I tried really hard to get a red card when it was my turn and I did.

I can't wait to play this game again.

I can’t wait to play this game again.

Another rare picture of them not making silly faces!

Another rare picture of them not making silly faces!

Three weeks have gone by and I’m left with another three. The first remaining week of my holidays will be burnt by the Freshmen Orientation Camp that I’m involved in. Like I mentioned at the start of this post, it starts tomorrow and I will actually be heading out tomorrow morning. I’m hoping that I will be able to worry less and have fun more. I’ll give an update when I get back, hopefully!

Until then,

PEACE OUT.

Bringing the Zen

giphy

It feels like it’s been an extremely long time since I last wrote a blog post. (My last post was actually only about a month ago.) It only seems right for me to post something while I can instead of procrastinating so where do I begin?

I know that the week that we returned to a new school term was pretty eventful. Firstly, my classmates and I exchanged Secret Santa gifts. I was pretty pleased with what I got for Vera – a plant. Well it wasn’t a plant yet but it was a pot with the seeds that required watering. You know, one of those DIY-ish things. I wonder what the plant looks like now, almost a month later. Anyway, I didn’t attempt to figure out who my Secret Santa was although I knew who 4-5 other people were buying gifts for. I really didn’t want to ruin the surprise for myself though. And trust me, when I opened my gift, I was pleasantly surprised. It was a Hulk Hogan Pop! Vinyl figure! (For those who may not know who Hulk Hogan is, he is a WWE Legend. And a Pop! Vinyl figure is basically a cute version of a WWE action figure.) In addition to the figure, I also got a couple of superhero badges.

WWE Hulk Hogan Pop! Vinyl Figure

WWE Hulk Hogan Pop! Vinyl Figure

Love these badges. I promise to use them as soon as I get a new bag.

Love these badges. I promise to use them as soon as I get a new bag.

I really was not expecting anything WWE related and so it took me a while to figure out who my Secret Santa was. In fact, I actually couldn’t figure it out. So, I decided to just see Vera’s reaction to what I got her and I heard her saying something along the lines of, “I want to know who got me my gift so that I can show them what it looks like after it grows!” So, that was when I revealed that it was me who got her the plant and Vera in turn revealed that she got me my gift. #MysterySolved. It was a fun experience and it was nice to carry the Christmas spirit into our classroom even after Christmas was over. Thanks a lot Vera for the awesome gifts!

That same day was also when I had to help out at the SP Open House with course counselling. I was nervous at first but I got used to it. I got to share my experiences and meet some seniors. By the end of my session, I also returned home with two polaroids (courtesy of Bernice) that I added to my vision board. But I didn’t return home straightaway. Chels and I got Starbucks on the way back and I also collected my replacement Pebble watch from the post office. My Pebble’s screen had died about a couple of months ago and I just decided to email Pebble support to see if I can get it replaced and they sent me a replacement. Honestly, that day made me feel so appreciative for everything I had. I was just really happy and thankful. It was just a really memorable day.

However, as well all know if you have the ups, you must have the downs as well. And the new term meant the beginning of two big downs. Both of which were brought up in the first week.

Firstly, the documentary assignment which has been taking a toll on everyone. Having to find a profile who is interesting and willing to be filmed is one thing. Thinking of what sequences to film and the theme of the documentary is another. And having to actually film it is a whole other thing. I’m just trying to not go crazy and trying to bring the zen instead. I have faith in my team and I like the direction we are going in so far. Not everything has gone as planned and not everything has been going smoothly but that doesn’t mean that it all won’t work out in the end, right? (I just realised that I don’t have a picture with my team yet)

Secondly, the preparation for the Freshmen Orientation Camp. I’m just not a huge fan of camps in general and so I have anxiety just thinking about attending it. Plus, all the preparation just adds a certain amount of stress on top of all the assignments that we already have to work on. I also wonder if the camp is going to burn a valuable week of my holidays. I guess all I can do is just hope that I don’t regret my choice of signing up for it once the camp is over. I really don’t want to give up and pull out now.

There was another big down the second week back at school. I fell sick on a Wednesday and I felt terrible on Thursday and on Friday, I didn’t go to school. I didn’t want to get out of bed and I needed a day-off too. But the deadline for a photojournalism assignment was coming right up and I still had no pictures yet. I know it’s my fault for not starting earlier, so I decided to go all out on Saturday while still feeling sick. I got everything I needed though so I was able to put everything together in time. I just want to say thanks to the friends that checked in on me over those few days and were able to help me in one way or another. I am really thankful for you guys.

I’ve been trying hard to remind myself and everyone around me that it’s JUST another eight more assignments we have to complete. We’ve already completed 12 this semester so what’s another eight?

I’ll admit that I have been finding myself in these extremely stressful and frustrating situations. I would love to throw some shade right here but it’s just not the right time. I am pretty proud of myself for keeping cool and calm. But don’t get me wrong, I could potentially explode at any time. But this post and title is in reference to my current state of mind which I hope lasts for a long time.

So until next time,

PEACE OUT.

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Obligatory Post About 2014

“Remind me of the good and all the bad (I know, I know)
Remind me of everything that we had (I know, I know)
Right now it’s so clear
This year has been the best and the worst year
I hear it’s all uphill from here
This year has been the best and the worst year
I hear it’s all uphill from here”

– Cooper (This Year)

Happy New Year to everyone reading this. The lyrics above describe my sentiments pretty well. A few months ago, I was asking Shaf if “I hear it’s all uphill from here” meant that things are going to get better or if things are going to get tougher. And she told me that she believes it’s both. That makes sense, doesn’t it? I strongly urge you to listen to this song and reflect on 2014.

 

Anyway, before speculating about 2015, I should look back and say that 2014 has been a great year. There were the ups and downs like any other year. But what I think was different about this year is that I understood my thoughts, feelings and emotions a lot better and I also got a better grasp of what kind of person I am. Now, I’m not saying I have everything figured out. What I’m saying is that it’s the clearest things have been over the past couple of years and so I’m definitely glad for that.

Some highlights of 2014 are… the trip to Japan. I never thought I would be getting on a plane anytime soon. I attended two camps, back-to-back and I am not a huge fan of camps. Three cousins got married. Me and my brother have been crossing paths and talking more. Mum watching some of my reality shows with me. I still managed to keep in contact and hang out with the three friends that matter from secondary school. (And I hope to continue doing that for years to come.)  I finally got to dress up as “A” from Pretty Little Liars. Shaf and I continued making Youtube videos for all of us to look back at in a few years time. The DTVM Hacker. *breathes*

Meeting Chelsea’s children, Rainee and Eden. Seeing Shantel perform at SDZ Waves 19. We had a successful class chalet. Taking plenty of selfies with Jamie (in one day) and surviving the LEAP camp with her. Jesleen’s red hair and her unique actions and sayings. D&D-ing with the Kavengers and KX. Shopping with Dalene. Completing assignments ASAP with Alicia. Having more than just one other person that watches Survivor, The Amazing Race, Big Brother and Top Model around me. Attending the Asia TV Forum with Hus where I got to meet a Power Ranger. Blogging #LetterByLetter with the fellow bloggers in my class. And of course disturbing everyone around me. The train rides home after a long day. The many hugs. And lastly the many meals together.

Throughout the past 365 days, I am proud of myself for keeping my cool in stressful and frustrating situations (most of the time). With the memory of a few cliche motivational quotes and sayings, a couple of breakdowns and plenty of solo sob sessions, I managed to get through the year. And of course, I must also give credit to the great people I have around me – to vent to, seek advice from and for a laugh. So, I guess, I really want to keep that up in 2015.

I am also proud of myself for coming out of my shell. For those who think that I have always been that ‘outgoing’ well obviously you weren’t around a few years ago. My overthinking and worry wart tendencies, tend to hold me back sometimes. And I definitely want to break out of my shell more or at least continue doing what I am doing if you think that I am already out of my shell.

There are obviously some things I am not too proud of. They generally involve irrational feelings and emotions and a lack of focus on the right things. These are the things that I think I could work on for 2015.

I really want to spend more time with family instead of sitting in my room all the time. And one solution to that is basically finding TV shows that I don’t mind watching on the television so that I spend more time in the living room.

I also need to focus on the right stuff when it comes to school. In other words, no distractions. All I need is to continue having good people around me and the motivation to power through all the assignments.

I’m sure there are more things that I need to work on but that’s about all I can think of at this hour. Here’s to a whole new crazy, exciting and beautiful year ahead.

Until next time,

PEACE OUT.

An Eventful Beginning Pt. 2

I’m back again to continue with my update on what I have been up to as of late. In part 1, I talked about the first two weeks of the new school semester. I still have another three weeks to talk about. So, here I go again.

Week 3

A group selfie before entering the concert theatre.

A group selfie before entering the concert theatre.

There wasn’t much that took place this week to be honest. The highlight of the week was the SDZ Waves 19 concert which I had been looking forward to since I got my ticket (Thanks Shantel!). I was excited because I enjoyed the concert last year and there were more friends attending the concert this year too. However, I had no idea the theme was Frozen. I do not like Frozen. But I still enjoyed it. It actually made me even consider watching the movie but I still haven’t and I can safely say that I won’t be watching it anytime soon.

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I had to take some selfies while waiting for the concert to begin. So, here are Nica, Vera and Jamie.

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And here’s a selfie with Husz.

After the concert, we all waited around for Shantel. I just wanted to give her a hug because I knew that she has put in a lot of time, energy and commitment into SDZ and this concert. And the end of the concert also meant that she would have more time to spend with us. Granted, when she saw all of us, she did get emotional. We all took turns giving her hugs and taking pictures as a group and with her individually.

Great job Shantel! Proud of you.

Great job Shantel! Really proud of you and I’ll be there again next year.

Oh and here's a picture with Jun Wei. One of the few other SDZ people that I know.

Oh and here’s a picture with Jun Wei; one of the few other SDZ people that I know.

Week 4

This was the home-based learning (HBL) week which meant being able to stay home and completing our assignments online. Although many people weren’t too happy about this whole ‘schooling from home’ thing, I honestly felt like this ‘break’ from having to go school each day couldn’t have come at a better time. There were two graded assignments due at the end of the week/start of week 5. So, my strategy or plan was to finish all the HBL assignments as soon as possible and then work on the graded ones. That sort of worked, I guess.

This was also the week where the Dungeons & Dragons people (Sam, Chels, Vera, Shantel, KX and I) met up at Shantel’s place one night. We played a horror RPG. Everything was fine but about halfway through I was fighting my urge to fall asleep. I was trying so hard to keep my eyes open. I managed to stay awake but once my character died,  I just had to lie down somewhere and rest my back. I have no clue why I was so tired. The game ended and KX revealed that Sam was behind all the murders. He also explained everything but I was too tired to understand.

We headed out to get supper and then...

We headed out to get supper and then…

... A wild Vera appeared!

… A wild Vera appeared!

If I’m not wrong, we ended our game around six in the morning. I was so ready to leave, go home and sleep till late in the afternoon but I had to be in school at ten in the morning for a CASS Club meeting. Just so you know, I always wake up two hours before the time I need to be in school. So in this case, that means having to be up at 8am. I reached home from Shantel’s place at around 7.50am. I had to come back home to change into something more smart casual because after the CASS Club meeting in the morning, there was some Parents Conference in the evening that I was supposed to help out with.

Without any sleep, I dragged myself into the shower hoping that it would freshen me up and it did… Only for like about ten minutes. I even desperately googled for how to stay awake after staying up all night and none of the results were really that helpful. When I got to school, I wanted to get a sweet drink hoping a sugar rush would wake me up. I walked over to McCafé but the queue was so long. I walked over to the vending machine but the machine wouldn’t accept my coins. So, that left me with nothing to drink before the meeting. I just could not wait for the day to be over.

A picture taken for the OOTD contest but then not used because I remembered that I don't ever want a #OOTD post anywhere.

A picture taken for the OOTD contest but then I didn’t post it because I remembered that I don’t do #OOTD posts.

Note: The picture above was taken after the CASS Club meeting. I might not look tired because being pretty is a job and I do that well. #ImJustKidding #DontHateMe

The rest of that day was filled with a mixture of me feeling fine and feeling sleepy. In between the wait for the conference, I sat with Husz and Shaf at Hilltop Haven. They were both doing their own stuff. I tried watching an episode of Euros of Hollywood. The environment was just not conducive for me to watch anything on my laptop. (I can always see a reflection of the trees in the background on my laptop screen no matter how bright I make it. There are people constantly walking around and laughing out loud too. It’s pretty distracting) So, I decided to edit the interview transcription I had almost completed. After a while, the three of us started talking… About what I don’t exactly remember but I do know that there was a little bit of cyber stalking involved.

Dalene joined us for a few minutes and since all four of were together I thought it was the perfect time to take a selfie.

Dalene joined us for a few minutes and since all four of were together I thought it was the perfect time to take a selfie. 

The Parents Conference was better than I expected. I felt like I messed up when it was my turn to speak to the parents. I didn’t have much to say and kept looking at Rachel to help me out and she certainly did (Thanks Rachel!). After the conference, we spent time talking to some parents and some of the other seniors who came back to share their experiences with the parents. So, it was nice and simple and not as intimidating as I thought. Although technically no matter how many times you’ve done it, standing in front of a group of people for a presentation or speech will always be nerve-wrecking and intimidating.

Thanks Jamie for capturing a moment where I don't look like a complete mess.

Thanks Jamie for capturing a moment where I don’t look like a complete mess.

Oh and I burnt one of the earlier days this week travelling all the way to Tampines to interview my profile for an assignment. Travelling to Tampines was fine but making my way to his block (which was the location of the interview) was the difficult part. Although I did my research on which bus to take the day before, I still ended up taking a total of three wrong buses which made me 40 minutes late. Apparently the ‘T’ some of these buses had on the front meant a different route from the ones without the ‘T’. Of course I had no idea that the ‘T’ meant anything else other than ‘Trainee’. Anyway, my interviewee seemed fine with me being unprofessional and showing up late so it turned out alright.

Week 5

Something rare that happened this week was Chels wanting to take a selfie with me.

Something rare that happened this week was Chels wanting to take a selfie with me twice. The second selfie is below.

If I were to summarise this week in two words, I would say: DTVM Hacker.

The entire week was filled with the paranoia because we were all involved in this alternate-reality game (ARG) created by one of our lecturers. Participating basically gives us participation marks in her graded assignment. The story is that there are two ‘hackers’ amongst us with all our confidential information and we basically have to find out who these two people are. Our lecturer as the game master was the one controlling the hacker’s blog and twitter account but she was working with two students. So, our goal was to get in teams of four, work together and find out who these two people were by solving clues and puzzles given to us by the ‘hackers’ over the week. At first, I didn’t really care too much but then I found out people were thinking it was me.

It was this tweet that made all three of us prime suspects. HAHA.

It was this tweet by Chels that made all three of us prime suspects. If you can’t read it, she tweeted, “We were on a top secret mission.” 

So, I got a little upset until my competitive side kicked in and I realised why not just mislead everyone so that my team would be ahead. One of the craziest things my team did was to fake a clue and pass it on to one of the other teams. And the leader of that team actually believed it. HAHA (Sorry Minyi). I loved the thrill of it all and that adrenaline rush I got when we managed to solve something or were awaiting our next clue. I guess it was an added bonus that my team was ahead most of the time according to the hackers’ tweets.

In between strategy talk we did some photo booth-ing.

In between strategy talk we did some photo booth-ing.

At the end of the week, we had to let our lecturer know who we each thought the ‘hackers’ were. Then there was this big reveal that it was Sam and Wesley (Do note that this is the second time in one post that I’m saying that Sam was behind it all). Later in class, our lecturer explained how she planned everything and managed pulled it off. It was impressive and in my opinion, we all have to thank her for giving us this unique experience which required a lot of work. Which other lecturer in which other course would plan an ARG for their students?

One of our tasks was to take a picture with this sign outside one of the toilets. #TotesAwkward

One of our tasks was to take a group picture with this sign outside one of the toilets. #TotesAwkward

Anyway, this week was not just all about the hacker. There was the InterCASS event organised by the CASS Club. It was a captain’s ball competition and my class had signed up. The competitive side of me made me want to sign up as part of the team but from experience, I knew that I would not have exactly been of much help in the game since I would try to avoid the ball. So instead, I took on my CASS Club duties of keeping score and by doing so, I got to watch my class play too. So, it was all good. Our juniors had signed up as a team too. Since most of the students in our course (Diploma in Creative Writing for TV and New Media) were known for not being sporty, I was really proud that we had two teams representing our course out of the eight in total. Some of my other classmates who were not playing (Dalene & Nica), the junior’s classmates and our lecturers came down to support the two teams too.

The most intense match was the seniors vs. the juniors bout in my opinion. My class put up a good fight but we ended up losing to the juniors. After that instead of being two opposing factions, we all got together to cheer on the junior team and they ended up wining.

The Writers' Team along with their biggest fans.

The Writers’ Team along with their biggest fans after the event.

So as you can tell, with some ‘hackers’ on the loose and a sports event, week 5 has been pretty eventful. Now, I would go on to talk about Week 6 but then it’s no longer the ‘beginning’ of the semester and so it wouldn’t really fit the title of this post. Plus, this post is already pretty long. So… I’ll just leave it like this. Until next time,

PEACE OUT.